Carnival Tip #31 - When Real Life Gets In The Way Of The Fete (Part Two - Married With Children)
http://www.trinijunglejuice.com/tjjnews/articles/4128/1/Carnival-Tip-31---When-Real-Life-Gets-In-The-Way-Of-The-Fete-Part-Two---Married-With-Children/Page1.html
By Dr. Rhadi Ferguson aka The Carnival Doctor
Published on 07-Sep-15
=================================
This Message Has Been Brought
To You By The ONLY Book Endorsed
By TriniJungleJuice and MyCarnivalBands
www.TheUltimateRoadReadyGuide.com
=================================
Look, it doesn’t matter if you are a Carnival Virgin or a Carnival Veteran, there is so much to learn about Carnival and many ways to improve your experience and make your experience richer than before.
So here’s what we are going to do.
We are going to provide you with some tips from one of our in-house Carnival Specialist – Dr. Rhadi Ferguson, also known as the “Carnival Doctor”. Dr. Ferguson is a 2004 Olympian, a former National Judo Coach for the Bahamas Judo Federation, a bona-fide carnival junkie and the man that has written the go-to guide for all carnival virgins on the planet on the best way to prepare for carnival.
So without any further adieu, lets begin.
This Message Has Been Brought
To You By The ONLY Book Endorsed
By TriniJungleJuice and MyCarnivalBands
www.TheUltimateRoadReadyGuide.com
=================================
Look, it doesn’t matter if you are a Carnival Virgin or a Carnival Veteran, there is so much to learn about Carnival and many ways to improve your experience and make your experience richer than before.
So here’s what we are going to do.
We are going to provide you with some tips from one of our in-house Carnival Specialist – Dr. Rhadi Ferguson, also known as the “Carnival Doctor”. Dr. Ferguson is a 2004 Olympian, a former National Judo Coach for the Bahamas Judo Federation, a bona-fide carnival junkie and the man that has written the go-to guide for all carnival virgins on the planet on the best way to prepare for carnival.
So without any further adieu, lets begin.
=================================
This Message Has Been Brought
To You By The ONLY Book Endorsed
By TriniJungleJuice and MyCarnivalBands
www.TheUltimateRoadReadyGuide.com
=================================
In a perfect world. Most of us would travel, fete, do carnivals and have most road experiences on Saturday so that we can make our way into church on Sunday for the FULL spiritual experience of carnival. But traveling is limited via budget constraints and responsibilities. For some of us, fetting is limited per babysitting coverage and having a good fete to go to. And for others, doing carnival is a matter of money, resources and time.
No matter what the hurdle, we all have our challenges. We all overcome them in some form or fashion but none of us can lie..... We've all missed a fete, a carnival or a quality soca experience because "real life" got in the way.
There are few scenarios that I have watched happen during my carnival experiences in speaking with various carnival veterans and carnival virgins. I have also experienced some of them myself and would like to address them, the hurdles which they present and some possible solutions.
So here we go.
==============
The Marriage Hurdle
==============
In The Carnival Doctor's last transmission we addressed "the marriage hurdle" as it pertains to fetting and carnival. And just as a hurdler navigates the hurdles in a race, so can you. Hurdles are something that are always present. They way that you jump over them and clear them with proper form and quality timing is what will ensure that you have a great, race.... uh, relationship. Sometimes we get clipped by the hurdle and we trip and fall and that is to be expected. What is to also be expected is that you get better at hurdling over time. I'm just here to help you run your race just a little bit smoother.
Please read the previous article if you have not.
===============
Married With Children
===============
Recently MSN.com posted an article about the "10 Reasons You Should Never Have Children" Although, I am not in agreement with the article, that does not mean that the article in and of itself doesn't have some merit. As I said, I don't agree but it has some merit.
Having children is "real" life for many persons and couples. And in harmony with the last discussion of "The Marriage Hurdle" I wanted to also address the "Married With Children Hurdle."
There are several people who have been fetting together and playing carnival together for years and they enjoy going. When that couple gets together and has children, priorities change. A new focus for the relationship is added.
There are also couples where one person enjoys fetting and the other does not and that is cool. But when you add children to the mix, one person actually gets to go fetting while the other person is home watching the children. Now, I am aware that this is called parenting and NOT babysitting but it can seem a lot like "babysitting" if one person feels like they are being used as a childcare provider instead of being treated as a partner.
This can occur because the previous "deal" of "I do my thing and you can do your thing" is no longer en force. One person may indeed feel like they are at home being held hostage and not able to have fun or relax. All persons don't feel like this, but without the appropriate balance this can be the case.
I've heard of several relationships where one partner goes to TNT for carnival for the classic, "Wednesday to Wednesday" time frame and leaves the children home with their partner. This means that all the shared responsibilities for the children have doubled for one person and one person is fetting and having a great time while the other is not.
There are also those couples who do not live close to family or friends and don't have any "child care coverage." This couple has committed to going to carnival together but now its no longer an option and they have to create a "new normal" which just includes a fete, here and a fete there. This can be rough on the relationship. Especially if carnival and fetting was a huge part of it from its initial stages.
So the question is...... "What do you do when real life gets in the way of the fete?"
When you are married with children, what's the solution?
=============
Carnival Is Pace
=============
You've heard this phrase time and time again...... "Carnival is PACE!!"
If you learn nothing else from all of The Carnival Doctor's tips, please learn this. You MUST Pace Yuhself. And, if you've read my book, then you know that pacing extends beyond the confines of the road and a fete. Pace is a philosophical approach for life. And this includes your relationships as they pertain to carnival and fetting.
Here's what I would recommend:
1. Talk - Communicate about carnival 12 months in advance. Do not wait until the last minute and decide you want to go to carnival. I've seen plenty of people who go to Miami Carnival and get bitten by the carnival bug and then decide, "I'm going to TNT!!!!" As a matter of fact, I did it. I'm not saying that it can't be done. I'm just saying that I've seen it work out well and I've seen it work out not-so-well and quite honestly, the risk is not worth the reward. Try to keep your carnival preparation conversations at a 12 month minimum, especially for virgins. This will allow you the time to work on coverage OPTIONS for the children and it will allow you to stack up on your emotional deposits if you are traveling solo (without your partner).
2. Check In!!!!! - OMG!! I wrote about this in my book, "The Ultimate Road Ready Guide" - www.TheUltimateRoadReadyGuide.com, I say it to my friends and I'm writing it again. FLICKIN' CHECK IN!!!!!!!!!! There is nothing wrong with "checking in." For example, here are some quick check in texts:
* Hey honey, we just reached the fete, not sure how long we will be but I will text you when we leave. Probably going to be out all nite. Will get in late. Will text you when I reach the hotel.
** Hey, I'm back. You up?
*** I love you.
These are basic brief check ins. And, for the love of God and all things holy, call. Please call. Call do a facetime or facebook video call if you have to. This is advice for the married folks.
Also.....Prioritize your check ins. Make sure that you understand your home schedule. Call when the children are going to school. Call before bedtime. Make the time when you can. If its not possible because you are traveling internationally, I understand, but the effort must be made. And again, video chatting with the kids is a must.
PACE!!
3. Communicate With The Kids - Be very aware that your children need to talk to you too. Make sure that you speak with them. Let them know you are leaving, circle the date on the calendar when you are coming back and bring them back something from your trip. (small tip: You can always go to the dollar store and pick up some toys and keep them in the trunk of your car and use these as your gifts when you return. This only works until about the age of 6 but it's a good tip. The children like to see that you brought them back something.)
4. Be Aware Of Your Social Online Presence - A picture speaks a thousand words. Keep your facebook posts, updates and instagram posts to a minimum. And make sure the people that you are traveling with KNOW THE RULES.
5. Appreciation - Your relationships appreciates by showing the other person appreciation. Make sure you say thank you often and tell the person how much they mean to you and to your carnival experience. One of the best ways to do that is by doing THIS :-)
===============
Closing
===============
Look, I'm cool with band launches and pictures and beads and boots. And I will address it.
I'm also cool with having real conversations about the exclusivity of bands, parties, limes and fetes. And I will address it.
I'm also down with talking about the obesity rate per the Center of Disease Control (CDC) of the United States and globally and that impact on carnival costumes, etc.,. And I will address it.
I'm also cool with talking about real life issues that impact your carnival experience and that is why I'm here.
I do things a little bit tongue-in-cheek at time and try to add some humor to the things that I write, but lets keep it 100!!
Carnival is big business and carnival is grown folk business. There are kiddie carnivals here and there but those are also run by adults. And as adults we have to have real issues address and here at TriniJungleJuice is where we address those issue while making sure that you can continue to enjoy carnival at not only its highest levels but enjoy it for all the levels which is provides access. At TriniJungleJuice every new employee is given the same line that I was given. We are all told, "If you are in this for the money, you are here for the wrong reason. We do this because we love carnival. If you love carnival, we would love to have you and your love for carnival will allow you to make money along the way." And no truer words were ever spoken. I am writing this and you reading it and I am ALLOWED to write it because of a love that I have and you have for carnival. So I thank you, as always, for reading it and I'm looking forward to sharing parts 3 through 6 with you of this series: "When Real Life Gets In The Way Of The Fete"
When Real Life Gets In The Way Of The Fete Part 3 - Single Parent Problems
When Real Life Gets In The Way Of The Fete Part 4 - The Financial Hurdle
When Real Life Gets In The Way Of The Fete Part 5 - The Scheduling Hurdle (work and responsibilities)
When Real Life Gets In The Way Of The Fete Part 6 - Bringing It All Together (input from the facebook posts)
Peace and blessings.
Please, once again, govern yourselves accordingly.
Blessings From Here To There,
Rhadi Ferguson, PhD
"The Carnival Doctor"
P.S. For the best information in the world concerning carnivals please visit www.TriniJungleJuice.com For the most comprehensive site available for fete tickets and masquerader costumes, please visit www.MyCarnivalBands.com
P.P.S. For more information on how to properly prepare for carnival like a true veteran, please visit www.CarnivalPrep.com
This Message Has Been Brought
To You By The ONLY Book Endorsed
By TriniJungleJuice and MyCarnivalBands
www.TheUltimateRoadReadyGuide.com
=================================
In a perfect world. Most of us would travel, fete, do carnivals and have most road experiences on Saturday so that we can make our way into church on Sunday for the FULL spiritual experience of carnival. But traveling is limited via budget constraints and responsibilities. For some of us, fetting is limited per babysitting coverage and having a good fete to go to. And for others, doing carnival is a matter of money, resources and time.
No matter what the hurdle, we all have our challenges. We all overcome them in some form or fashion but none of us can lie..... We've all missed a fete, a carnival or a quality soca experience because "real life" got in the way.
There are few scenarios that I have watched happen during my carnival experiences in speaking with various carnival veterans and carnival virgins. I have also experienced some of them myself and would like to address them, the hurdles which they present and some possible solutions.
So here we go.
==============
The Marriage Hurdle
==============
In The Carnival Doctor's last transmission we addressed "the marriage hurdle" as it pertains to fetting and carnival. And just as a hurdler navigates the hurdles in a race, so can you. Hurdles are something that are always present. They way that you jump over them and clear them with proper form and quality timing is what will ensure that you have a great, race.... uh, relationship. Sometimes we get clipped by the hurdle and we trip and fall and that is to be expected. What is to also be expected is that you get better at hurdling over time. I'm just here to help you run your race just a little bit smoother.
Please read the previous article if you have not.
===============
Married With Children
===============
Recently MSN.com posted an article about the "10 Reasons You Should Never Have Children" Although, I am not in agreement with the article, that does not mean that the article in and of itself doesn't have some merit. As I said, I don't agree but it has some merit.
Having children is "real" life for many persons and couples. And in harmony with the last discussion of "The Marriage Hurdle" I wanted to also address the "Married With Children Hurdle."
There are several people who have been fetting together and playing carnival together for years and they enjoy going. When that couple gets together and has children, priorities change. A new focus for the relationship is added.
There are also couples where one person enjoys fetting and the other does not and that is cool. But when you add children to the mix, one person actually gets to go fetting while the other person is home watching the children. Now, I am aware that this is called parenting and NOT babysitting but it can seem a lot like "babysitting" if one person feels like they are being used as a childcare provider instead of being treated as a partner.
This can occur because the previous "deal" of "I do my thing and you can do your thing" is no longer en force. One person may indeed feel like they are at home being held hostage and not able to have fun or relax. All persons don't feel like this, but without the appropriate balance this can be the case.
I've heard of several relationships where one partner goes to TNT for carnival for the classic, "Wednesday to Wednesday" time frame and leaves the children home with their partner. This means that all the shared responsibilities for the children have doubled for one person and one person is fetting and having a great time while the other is not.
There are also those couples who do not live close to family or friends and don't have any "child care coverage." This couple has committed to going to carnival together but now its no longer an option and they have to create a "new normal" which just includes a fete, here and a fete there. This can be rough on the relationship. Especially if carnival and fetting was a huge part of it from its initial stages.
So the question is...... "What do you do when real life gets in the way of the fete?"
When you are married with children, what's the solution?
=============
Carnival Is Pace
=============
You've heard this phrase time and time again...... "Carnival is PACE!!"
If you learn nothing else from all of The Carnival Doctor's tips, please learn this. You MUST Pace Yuhself. And, if you've read my book, then you know that pacing extends beyond the confines of the road and a fete. Pace is a philosophical approach for life. And this includes your relationships as they pertain to carnival and fetting.
Here's what I would recommend:
1. Talk - Communicate about carnival 12 months in advance. Do not wait until the last minute and decide you want to go to carnival. I've seen plenty of people who go to Miami Carnival and get bitten by the carnival bug and then decide, "I'm going to TNT!!!!" As a matter of fact, I did it. I'm not saying that it can't be done. I'm just saying that I've seen it work out well and I've seen it work out not-so-well and quite honestly, the risk is not worth the reward. Try to keep your carnival preparation conversations at a 12 month minimum, especially for virgins. This will allow you the time to work on coverage OPTIONS for the children and it will allow you to stack up on your emotional deposits if you are traveling solo (without your partner).
2. Check In!!!!! - OMG!! I wrote about this in my book, "The Ultimate Road Ready Guide" - www.TheUltimateRoadReadyGuide.com, I say it to my friends and I'm writing it again. FLICKIN' CHECK IN!!!!!!!!!! There is nothing wrong with "checking in." For example, here are some quick check in texts:
* Hey honey, we just reached the fete, not sure how long we will be but I will text you when we leave. Probably going to be out all nite. Will get in late. Will text you when I reach the hotel.
** Hey, I'm back. You up?
*** I love you.
These are basic brief check ins. And, for the love of God and all things holy, call. Please call. Call do a facetime or facebook video call if you have to. This is advice for the married folks.
Also.....Prioritize your check ins. Make sure that you understand your home schedule. Call when the children are going to school. Call before bedtime. Make the time when you can. If its not possible because you are traveling internationally, I understand, but the effort must be made. And again, video chatting with the kids is a must.
PACE!!
3. Communicate With The Kids - Be very aware that your children need to talk to you too. Make sure that you speak with them. Let them know you are leaving, circle the date on the calendar when you are coming back and bring them back something from your trip. (small tip: You can always go to the dollar store and pick up some toys and keep them in the trunk of your car and use these as your gifts when you return. This only works until about the age of 6 but it's a good tip. The children like to see that you brought them back something.)
4. Be Aware Of Your Social Online Presence - A picture speaks a thousand words. Keep your facebook posts, updates and instagram posts to a minimum. And make sure the people that you are traveling with KNOW THE RULES.
5. Appreciation - Your relationships appreciates by showing the other person appreciation. Make sure you say thank you often and tell the person how much they mean to you and to your carnival experience. One of the best ways to do that is by doing THIS :-)
===============
Closing
===============
Look, I'm cool with band launches and pictures and beads and boots. And I will address it.
I'm also cool with having real conversations about the exclusivity of bands, parties, limes and fetes. And I will address it.
I'm also down with talking about the obesity rate per the Center of Disease Control (CDC) of the United States and globally and that impact on carnival costumes, etc.,. And I will address it.
I'm also cool with talking about real life issues that impact your carnival experience and that is why I'm here.
I do things a little bit tongue-in-cheek at time and try to add some humor to the things that I write, but lets keep it 100!!
Carnival is big business and carnival is grown folk business. There are kiddie carnivals here and there but those are also run by adults. And as adults we have to have real issues address and here at TriniJungleJuice is where we address those issue while making sure that you can continue to enjoy carnival at not only its highest levels but enjoy it for all the levels which is provides access. At TriniJungleJuice every new employee is given the same line that I was given. We are all told, "If you are in this for the money, you are here for the wrong reason. We do this because we love carnival. If you love carnival, we would love to have you and your love for carnival will allow you to make money along the way." And no truer words were ever spoken. I am writing this and you reading it and I am ALLOWED to write it because of a love that I have and you have for carnival. So I thank you, as always, for reading it and I'm looking forward to sharing parts 3 through 6 with you of this series: "When Real Life Gets In The Way Of The Fete"
When Real Life Gets In The Way Of The Fete Part 3 - Single Parent Problems
When Real Life Gets In The Way Of The Fete Part 4 - The Financial Hurdle
When Real Life Gets In The Way Of The Fete Part 5 - The Scheduling Hurdle (work and responsibilities)
When Real Life Gets In The Way Of The Fete Part 6 - Bringing It All Together (input from the facebook posts)
Peace and blessings.
Please, once again, govern yourselves accordingly.
Blessings From Here To There,
Rhadi Ferguson, PhD
"The Carnival Doctor"
P.S. For the best information in the world concerning carnivals please visit www.TriniJungleJuice.com For the most comprehensive site available for fete tickets and masquerader costumes, please visit www.MyCarnivalBands.com
P.P.S. For more information on how to properly prepare for carnival like a true veteran, please visit www.CarnivalPrep.com